received many cards/notes these few weeks, they've made me feel very *sniff* loved.

but no, seriously, PR-wise 2007 wasn't the best year in living memory, come to think of it that will be an understatement given the disasters particularly on this front- it's been a year with a lot of pressure, academically or otherwise, a year when you concede everything to the books and everything else either hits the dust or finds itself on the backburner, so it's especially touching that people- even those friends whom you haven't seen in ages and who go back a looooong way- find the time to talk to you, write to you, and tell you to keep in touch. makes you feel kind of ashamed, that you can forget people's birthdays for a few months (e.g. 5 months), pass up those few important dates in the calendar (i'll never do that again, i promise), fighting so hard for those transient, fleeting moments

they say life's one big learning curve, you're learning from the start right to the end, and a year later as i type this post (a year from a similar post this time last year) i realise i haven't learnt a lot this year. i've allowed things to slip from my grasp- like "water through the fingers, forever elusive"- frayed relations, made silly sophomoric errors. but this year i've also learnt the value of true friends, and found those people who're so central in my life

no matter how independent, how strong you can be if you dare to impose your will (i'm still a strong advocate of this though), we can never truly stand alone. do you call it a weakness, or a blessing? i don't know. 2008 i will learn to work towards my goal in life, without compromising those i love

***

okay all the contemplative stuff aside and i want to clear up something, an explanation i've repeated for nine months and eight days and has been blatantly, obstinately dismissed by everyone i've tried to tell. THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY PHONE ON MY BIRTHDAY SO I WAS NOT ABLE TO REPLY TO THE MESSAGES. so there it is. stop insinuating that i'm so arrogant and full of self-importance and CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO TYPE A WORD OF THANKS

so if i alarmed you with those words in CAPS i apologise; i'd have to make that point if not i'll never hear the end of it. here's quotes from a few cards; i'm not sure if you share their sense of humour (you'd be inclined to laugh at me then), or mine (i'd have to take them as compliments HAHA), but i digress


"... i always thought u were that shy, quiet guy... it took two years for us to start talking since then i've realised you actually have this tendency to talk a lot of nonsense, make funny random comments..."

author's note: i know you must miss me so much you suffer from delusions but i certainly didn't take two years to talk to you, and in any case i speak the truth everytime!


"... great conversationalist (when you're in the mood to), great friend (when you feel the need to), great company (when you're not busy with caps/other/ people)..."

author's note: one look at the contents and you know who it is, no one in the world writes more gibberish than him, and you know, i'd be flattered a lot more if you didn't qualify your points so much

even more amusing

"... first i thought u were funny-weird, because your humour was very dark and i didn't get it, but after we talked more i realise you're actually funny-haha! HAHAHAHA..."

author's note: put succinctly it reads "i thought you were weird but now i think you're not-so- weird". yup and cheers to persevering friendships!


happy 2008 everyone!

i'm having a really bad headache no one's being very helpful

it's a pseudo-world

watched thirty days of night on a wednesday night; a pseudo-horror-movie which is really a comedy. it never ceases to mortify, and in doing so effectively stakes its claim as one of the worst pictures of the year. the plot, if there's one to speak of, tells of vampires who repeatedly insist they're very thirsty (apparently they're thirsty for human blood only 30/365 days annually), and another reason why they choose to terrify the homo sapiens, both characters in the movie and the audience, albeit in vastly different ways, is that they want us to realise that they are real, and are not part of some myth/ folklore/ legend, either way you want to see it. it's perfectly complemented by our hero, a cop who does not seem to have acquired any prior firearms licence, and instead succumbs to his innate fetish for the axe (he uses it to hack down these beasts, with also accounts for the M18 rating FYI)

the tattooist wasn't much better, but unless rotten tomatoes pays me for a review it's not worth it to write another one

sentosa on thursday; mou must have prayed really hard for the sun to come out because it was the fiercest sun i've been under in a long time. also featured prominently pseudo-prawns, and strangely modified truth-dares HA, but all in good spirit

yesterday was a pseudo-party, pseudo because the original intention behind the whole party vaporised in the first twenty minutes, and a romantic pseudo-soccer match which ended under calamitous circumstances

planning of the last month of liberty will take place today. i've to get my fitness up and running (it's not a pun), start charting my career path, and iron out a few lingering issues

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts

it's just a nice song

christmas that doesn't come early, again

due to mT's very /generous/ intervention i can be assured of a wider viewership on this blog, after the spectacular (please let me humour myself) disappearance of thesapphirefactor, speaking of which, has mysteriously reappeared under the guise of the original url, complete with a few posts from the forgotten ages (not the more recent ones though), and with the original template gone.

anyway if you've found your way here congrats, this is the real deal, and i'm very glad to to have your company

a few of the guys are leaving for ns on the 15th of december, and the schedule ahead looks strangely congested, with an attachment probably coming up, and a couple of things to settle before the inevitable jan 16, so here comes the annual december entry:

2007 has been so demanding academically, emotionally, and mentally. i won't say i've changed, or even matured a lot, but i've surely been exposed to the harsher realities of life. not that i thought that life is a bed of roses to begin with, but actuality has its own way of slapping you in the face; for example when you think you've got a situation all worked out, like a perfect solution to a maths problem (i'm not very good at math, HA); but life's not math, and you've probably got it wrong one way or another. seems that what they say about murphy's law is really true


and those tête-à-têtes, even more so those silly squirmishes, really make you rethink your perspectives. and i guess in a couple of years i'll regret the way i reacted, but i'm sorry i couldn't have done any better (who am i saying sorry to really); i tried, really


alright anyway all the negatives are done and dusted, here's to the people who've been so important to me throughout;


- joga lads! good people like yak, crouch, bernard, yh, didier and even the not-so-good people like mou, who can't seem to plan proper, and owenhonigo, who has an atrociously warped... perception, for want of a better word. adidas wasn't the best but we'll conquer the world one day RIGHT

- those whom i've known since 7 years back, fantastic bro mT, the sulky princess and jy, for just lending the listening ear, giving out those pearls of wisdom even when we're so busy with our own lives. we're kind of missing tennis dates huh

- sec4 guys eug, kjj, time, blue-mountain-rabbit, and chinaman. 8 years to the saga tree gentlemen! and chinaman it's just about time to come back to singapore

- jc class guys, pip, nic-k and -olson, hon and the soccer gang. i really don't ever mean to ps all of you any time REALLY


- and to those other special people who've changed my life in very different ways, in ways which you probably will never know, those who've helped me so much even though i used to brashly, maybe even arrogantly deem myself independent such that i did not need the world, thank you

physics just saps my energy i don't know why

maybe i still haven't truly got over paper three

mediocrity

oh hell

surely you're made of sterner stuff?

i am, and i must prove it

last year i remember i was looking forward to christmas

oh well it's time to stop living in the past

When You Are Old

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

hello world, it's been a while

been working on quite a fair bit for my lit (comparatively, of course). i realise i've lost the intuitive ability to understand those nuances; it's a funny thing, like how sometimes you get the answers to a problem and you don't know why yourself. i miss that old part of me; it's strange how you never treasure anything until it's lost


exams haven't been fantastic. but i might say it but i'll never contemplate giving up, not after all i've put in, not after how much i know i've improved. i think if you don't get what you're after even after all the effort you've put in then you've got to put up your hands and concede that it's not going to be yours. whatever happens in the future i'll take the path gladly, but i'll not lose sight of the final goal

and i realise i haven't been a very good friend to all those around me this year. i've been too caught up in my high-handed idealism, picking on little things without realising i'm equally flawed myself, clinging on to the past without treasuring all the good people around me. hmm if any of you happen to read this i'm sorry i love you guys

okay it's back to lit and rescuing my physics goodbye


PS: and to anyone who has been tolerating my rants of late thanks =)